Funny Jokes

Lawyers on flight

joker — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:47:52 +0000

A plane was having some trouble so the pilot announced that they had to prepare for an emergency landing. He asked everyone to keep seated. The pilot asked “We will be landing in 2 minutes. Is everyone seated.”

The reply came “Everyone is seated! You go on Captain! But the lawyers are still passing on business cards.”

Honest lawyer

joker — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:40:52 +0000

A company wanted to hire some lawyers so they called for an interview.The first prospect who came looked very intelligent. The conversation between the company official and the lawyer was as follows:-

Official- Why did you want to become a lawyer?
Lawyer- My father was a lawyer and I liked his job. He used to earn a good amount and I love money.
Official- It’s Ok! Everyone loves money.But what we want to know is that if you are honest.
Lawyer- Sir I am an honest lawyer.
Official- But can you prove it.
Lawyer- Yes! I paid back every single penny back to my father he had spent on my education right after my very first case.
Official- Good! What kind of a case it was?
Lawyer- Well! My dad sued me for that money.

Case settled

joker — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:30:22 +0000

A lawyer who took over his father’s office after becoming a lawyer returned home one night and was full of joy. He told his father that he had finally settled the “countryside disputed farm case”.

His father said “You foolish! We were living off that money for 10 years. Now we will have to find another case.”

Materialistic lawyer

joker — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:23:13 +0000

A lawyer was driving his MERC and was singing “My merc! Oh my merc!”. He was not driving cautiously and met with an accident.

He survived the accident but his MERC broke down.He started crying “My merc! Oh! my merc”. A person passing by looked at him and said” Oh my god! you are bleeding sir! Oh no! your left hand is gone!”

The lawyer shouted looking towards his broken hand “Oh my god!! Where is my Rolex?”

Trip to Jupiter

joker — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:07:44 +0000

NASA wanted to send a professional to Jupiter and was interviewing professionals.

First, an engineer came and the NASA officials interviewed him.The engineer told them that he would be very useful as he had a scientific bent of mind.He asked for $5 million.He told that he would give that money to MIT for carrying out research activities.

Next, a doctor came who told that doctors are smartest and most hard working therefore, he should go. He asked for $10 million.He told that he would give the money to various medical institutions for carrying out research activities.

Next, a lawyer came who straight away asked the NASA official for $15 million.The NASA official asked him why he wanted so much more than other professionals.The lawyer replied “If you give me $15 million, I will give you $5 million, I will keep $5 million and we will send the engineer to Jupiter.”

Serious Confession

joker — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:22:41 +0000

After winning a case a lawyer asked his client for a serious confession.The lawyer asked his client “Now you know that you have been acquitted,will you tell me if you really murdered the victim.”

The client after thinking for a moment said “After hearing your argument, I think I didn’t murder the victim. I really feel innoncent.”

Lawyer’s fee

joker — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:11:35 +0000

A client called up his lawyer and asked about his fee schedule.Their conversation was as follows:-
Client: Hello! I want to know your fee schedule for the current case.
Lawyer: Well! Let me have a look.(After looking at some papers)You owe me $2000 and $350.67 every month for the next thirty-six months.
Client:But that is exactly my car payment schedule which I bought a week back.
Lawyer:You are right! But this time the car is mine.

Gold rat statue

joker — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 11:15:17 +0000

A tourist goes to an island where he goes to a souvenir shop.He asks the shopkeeper the price of a golden colour rat statue.The shopkeeper says that it will be 20$ for the statue and 1000$ for the story behind it.The tourist pays him 20$ and tells him to keep the story to himself.He takes the statue and starts walking again.

When he leaves the shop he sees that rats are following him.He continues to walk and increases his speed When he looks back there are atleast 1000 rats behind him which increase to More than a million some moments later.He went to the shore afraid and almost running and threw the statue in the ocean.To his amazement all the rats jumped behind the statue and all the rats drowned.He went back to the souvenir shop.The shopkeeper asked for 1000$ to tell him the story.The tourist told to the shopkeeper that he didn’t want to know the story but he wanted a lawyer statue.

You will never go to jail

joker — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 10:56:48 +0000

An employee had robbed millions of dollars from his employer.The employer launched a case against the employee.He was afraid so he went to a lawyer.The lawyer asked him if he had actually robbed that much amount.The employee agreed.The lawyer told him that he can never go to jail with that much money.The lawyer was right as when he actually went to jail he had not a penny left as all the money was spent as lawyer’s fee.

Wait for the bus

joker — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 10:11:19 +0000

A blonde guy went to Paris and wanted to reach Eiffel Tower.He asked a man driving by how to reach Eiffel Tower.The man told him to wait for the bus#72.It will take you directly to Eiffel Tower.After 4 hours the man came back and after seeing the blonde guy he asked him why had he not left till now.The blonde guy told him till now only 65 buses have passed and he will have to wait for 7 more buses.